ONLINE CHURCH BULLETIN
Top 10 Ways to Be Sure Visitors Don’t Come Back
10. Never ask a visitor's name. If you somehow discover it, certainly don't call them by name. You don't want to get too friendly on the first visit.
9. Never sit near or beside a visitor. If they look uncomfortable or lonely, don't worry. It's not your responsibility.
8. Look generally miserable. Frown often. Make it obvious that worship is a somber thing and smiles are inappropriate.
7. Hallways should be empty when visitors arrive. You mustn't overwhelm them, after all. Visitors can discover their own way to class.
6. Don't invite a visitor to your Bible class or church activity. You don't want to appear too forward. And never invite a visitor to lunch with you!
5. Sit at the end of the pew, allowing visitors to climb over you. Reserve seats for family and friends and hold your ground if a visitor tries to infringe on your space. If a visitor is seated there when you arrive, firmly let them know that it's your pew. After all, your comfort is more important than making it easy on visitors.
4. Tell the visitor how many years you've been a member of the church. Point out that many church members are related. That way he'll clearly understand that he will always be an outsider here.
3. Count the bricks during worship. Eat mints. Look at your watch often. Write a grocery list. Take a nap. Clip your fingernails. Don't sing or open a Bible or take sermon notes. Whisper loudly to your kids and allow them to roam in and out of the service at their leisure.
2. Snort softly if a visitor arrives late. Roll your eyes if his child wiggles. If a visitor is dressed inappropriately, just shake your head. Generally ignore the visitor if his skin color or social status does not match yours.
1. During the invitation, gather your personal belongings. Make as much noise as possible. Feel free to leave during the invitation, since you have more important things waiting.
For His Cause,