ONLINE CHURCH BULLETIN
Diet for Losers
With the holidays upon us, I present to you the incredible new "Loser's Diet." Just follow this diet and tips and you are sure to lose!
Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice whole wheat toast, 8 oz. skim milk.
Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast, 1 cup steamed zucchini, 1 Oreo cookie, and Herbal tea.
Mid-afternoon snack: Rest of the package of Oreos, 1 quart chocolate Moose Tracks ice cream, 1 jar hot fudge.
Dinner: 2 loaves of garlic bread, large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, larger pitcher of root beer, 2 Snickers bars, entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer.
Tips: 1) If no one sees you eat it, then it has no calories. 2) If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they cancel each other out. 3) When eating with someone else, calories don't count if you both eat. 4) Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as: hot chocolate, loaded baked potatoes, and Mississippi Mud cake. 5) If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 6) Movie related foods don't count because they are simply part of the entire entertainment experience and not a part of one's personal fuel. 7) Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
This diet sounds a lot like how some people try to live the Christian life, doesn't it? We start off great in the morning — maybe even with a little Bible reading and prayer. But then things start to disintegrate and by the end of the day, we discover that we have blown it big time. We rationalize our behavior with statements like, "Well, if no one sees me sin, then it's really no big deal." Or, "If I sin with my friends, then it's OK because everyone's doing it."
That kind of Christianity, of course, is just as ridiculous as the "Diet for Losers." When we commit ourselves to Christ, we commit ourselves to following Jesus over the long haul. As Paul wrote in Phil. 3:14, "I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Paul not only started well, but he ended well. He didn't give up every time the going got a little rough. He didn't try to change the rules. Instead, he hung in there and finished the race. So can you!
For His Cause,